Tears
by BondSlave
Summary: Vulcan's do not shed tears, that is just another aspect that makes Spock different. The stress of being different has finally gotten to Spock, and he cannot control how compromised he has become. Amanda/Serek/Spock centric.


**Authors Note: **

****

Authors Note: Alright, I have learned that Vulcan's can cry, and we see a Vulcan cry at some point. But, I personally have never seen a Vulcan shed tears. Not once. I have only seen TOS a few of the movies and only a handful of episodes from Voyager, Enterprise and The Next Generation, so I'm sticking with Vulcan's do not shed tears. Also, in a Next Generation's episode, the one where Sarek dies he stated Spock never permitted him to meld with him. Well, I'm changing that little fact for the sake of this drabble. I believe I called it bonding, and in away it would be, a father and son are bonding with a meld, okay? Okay. On with the drabble.

She heard the front door open before slamming closed. Her eyes widened, her body freezing as the sound of echoed through the high arched walls of the complex her family of three shared. The sound was unnerving, alien and strange to her ears. She turned slightly, lips parted, eye brows perked as she gazed down the hall. She could see nothing. It was disturbing, that sound. That sound filled with anger and defeat. Such a sound had never echoed through their complex before, the sound of the door opening and closing was always subtle, hardly noticeable if one cared not to pay attention.

She set down the tool she had been using and walked out into the hall. She turned and gazed towards the front door, which had only been slammed five seconds earlier. It was amazing how baffled her mind had become, making everything seem slower than usual to her. She stood there momentarily, her shocked eyes turning worried slightly as her gaze fell upon the figure of her eight-year-old son.

Spock was standing in the hall by the door, shoulders drawn up, back curved in a slouch just slightly, head bowed and neck pulled inward. His brows were furrowed and his lips turned downward. For a mere second both stood motionless on either end of the hallway, until Spock lifted his gaze and Amanda felt her heart tighten in her chest, her lung seeming to constrict the already to thin air. Spock's black eyes were glistening with unshed tears and he was the picture of loneliness. Amanda took a step forward.

"Spock what happened?"

Spock stood motionless as he gazed at his mother, neither moving nor blinking as she approached him with uncertainty. He did not doubt she had noticed the welling of terran tears glistening over his black eyes, and her concern was obvious in her voice. It was illogical for her to be concerned with him, for he himself was being illogical.

Amanda took a few more steps closer till she was standing in front of her sun, gazing down at him. He had tilted his head up as she approached in order to maintain eye contact with her, his way of respecting her attention when he choice not to speak, giving her a means to know he was in fact listening to every word she had to offer. "Spock?" She asked, her face filled with concern.

Spock found himself studying his mothers facial features. Her oddly long brown eyebrows were curved downward, her eye wide and filled with worry. He face was slightly pale and her pink lips were parted slightly, as if she intended to speak more words. But after waiting he realized no more words would escape her.

Amanda's eyes widened a little more when her son gave her the most pained look she had ever seen. It was nothing like a human child's sadness, no. The sadness and pain Spock showed in that simple expression was beyond anything any human child could hope to relay through the merest widening of eyes and the furrowing of brows. She felt her heart break and ache as he quickly bowed his head, the tears finally spilling from his eyes and streaming down his cheeks. She couldn't help but note the slightly green bruise on his left cheek.

"Do not look at me that way." Spock said in a demanding tone, though it remained leveled and respectful. He felt a hand reach out towards him but he side stepped it, rising his own arm to shield himself from the offending appendage. "Don't touch me." He cried before rising his eyes. "Why?" he asked. She was momentarily baffled. "Why do you look at me like that? Why must you show such emotion?"

Amanda was taken aback. Spock had never spoken to her like that. His tone in and of itself was respectful, but she did not miss the malice beneath his words. He was angry, and his anger was directed towards her and she could not fathom why.

"You are always conveying emotions towards me! Do you expect me to sup them up like a dry sponge? Is that what you think I am? A sponge that needs to be filled with emotion? I am Vulcan!" He snapped, all respect gone and his tone rising just slightly. Amanda found herself slightly alarmed and a little frightened. Spock had never talked or acted like this. What if he attacked her? She immediately halted that train of thought. No, she would not be frightened of her eight-year-old son despite his ability to harm her. She was his mother, and that is exactly what he needed right now was a mother. Even if he didn't want one. "You are illogical! Your emotions are illogical! Your actions are illogical! You do not make sense! You have always conveyed your emotions to me ever since I was an infant! Constantly wanting to touch and hug, to reassure with foreran and alien words."

"Spock I,"

"I do not know what those words me!" He continued as if she had not spoken. She was taken aback by his behavior. How could she comfort him when he needed it most if he was barking at her like a mad dog? Did she just allusion to the fact that her son was a canine suffering from rabies?

"Sweetheart you," She outstretched her hand but let out a surprised gasp as it was slapped away. She retracted it quickly. She couldn't hardly believe he had struck her.

"I do not know what those gestures mean! What do they warrant for me?"

Amanda rubbed her hand, it stung with the force of his slap. Had he been a human child she would have immediately raised her voice and disciplined him physically…but…her son was not human. He was Vulcan. Vulcan's did not discipline their children the way humans did. Physical stimuli in discipline was unnecessary. She wasn't sure if the anger of her sons behavior hurt more, or the pain of seeing him the way he was. "WHAT ARE THOSE GESTURES MENT TO CONVAY!" He yelled, sobbing uncontrollably now. He grabbed his head, his thin fingers curling into his black hair. "WHY MUST YOU ATTEMPT TO ELICIT AN EMOTIONAL REACTION FROM ME WHEN I AM NOT HUMAN? WHY DO YOU TREAT ME LIKE A HUMAN CHILD?"

Both figures in the hall were oblivious to the sound of the back door opening and closing. Amanda felt tears welling up in her own eyes. Did her son truly hate her for being human? Did her son hate her for wishing to show him how much she loved him?

Spock choked back a sob, mopping at his face with the dark black sleeve of his school uniform, cleaning his face of the tears, which were replaced by more and more. "Spock I do and say these things because I love you…." She said in a slightly choked voice extending her arms to embrace him. He shoved her arms away and took a step back.

"WELL I DO NOT LOVE YOU!" He yelled at the tops of his lungs.

"Spock!"

Both froze and turned their gaze towards the furthest entrance of the hall to find that Sarek had arrived home from the Academy.

To any outsider he would have looked like all Vulcan's did. Face void of all emotion, tone perfectly balanced. But to both Amanda and Spock who knew him personally, both knew he was _extremely _angry, possibly on the point of rage. Spock froze, his body stiff, eyes unblinking as his father approached. Sarek paused by his wife's side, who appeared to be struggling to keep her own emotions under control. He gazed down hard at Spock who gazed back up at him, unmoving, and unblinking. Though tears still continued to roll down his cheeks. "Spock, you will go to your room and remain there until I summon to speak with you."

Spock said nothing, merely leveled his gaze and pushed past his parents and walked down the hall.

Once Amanda heard her sons bedroom door slam she burst into tears. She cried, choking back the urge to wail. She felt Sarek pull her close against him. He wrapped one arm around her shoulders the other cradling the back of her head. She was thankful for his warmth and his strong embrace, and was thankful that he was willing to offer her such support when her emotions became to overwhelming. "I'm sorry!" She sobbed against his chest. "I…I…I can't stop." She stuttered out shaking her head. She knew it was illogical to cry when one was angry or sad, for crying could not change the situation, it was pointless. She felt her husbands chest vibrate slightly as he spoke, his voice deep, low and reassuring to her.

"You are permitted to cry my wife. You have been emotionally over stimulated in a most negative fashion and as is accustom to your human biology and brain functions this is the simplest way to relieve yourself of the strain." He said petting her hair. She held her breath a moment before continuing to cry, she just couldn't control herself. "Come sit." Sarek said as he lead her down the hall and to their bedroom. He glanced at their sons room, but only met the closed door.

He sat his wife down on the edge of the bed, sitting with her and allowing her to snuggling against his side as she continued to weep. He gently brushed her hair behind her ear and wiped a few stray tears away with his warm thumb. "Now, what happened?"

Amanda sat up, wiping her tears and taking several large gulps of air before claiming enough control over herself to speak. She shook her head.

"I don't know. Spock just came home and…blew up in my face."

Sarek had the urge to tell her that it was highly illogical for their son to blow up in her face, but refrained and permitted her to express herself in her very natural colorful human way. "I knew from the moment he got home something was wrong, he slammed the door and he was crying. When I tried to ask him what was wrong he just…blew up." She lifted her hand to wipe at her face when her wrist was grabbed by her husbands large warm hand.

Sarek studied the back of her hand for a moment, finding a blossoming purple and blue bruise there. She sniffed. "Oh, that. Spock slapped my hand when I tried to comfort him."

She felt, let alone heard an odd slamming sound, like huge steal doors falling down and slamming against a stone floor, echoing throughout her mind. Sarek had block out his end of their bond from her. She was a little startled, he hadn't done that in a long time, and for him to suddenly put up his shields unnerved her quite a bit. "Sarek?" She questioned.

"I will need to speak with Spock." He stated with a sigh. He only ever sighed at home, it had been something he'd picked up on earth. "I think you should remain here."

Amanda stood and wiped her eyes.

"No, no. I need to prepare the evening meal anyway. You…you talk to Spock." She said as she offered him a weak smile before walking towards their bedroom door. She paused and glanced back. "Sarek?"

"Yes love?" He asked.

"Spock said…Spock said he hates me." She whispered. Sarek felt his heart tighten in his abdomen, and knew the sensation was called _heartbreak _on earth. He could see let alone fell the sorrow and anguish in his wife. She turned and exited their room. Sarek remained behind for a few minutes.

Spock was sitting on his meditation mat, attempting to meditate, eyes closed, legs crossed, candles lit. His room was filled with the sweet smelling scent of the candles, but he couldn't concentrate. He huffed, keeping his eyes closed, tears still glistening at the corners of his eyes, sticky trails remaining on his cheeks. He huffed and let out a soft sob, slumping and opening his eyes, he couldn't concentrate, he couldn't meditate, he couldn't control the overwhelming emotions swirling within himself. He blinked as a soft tap to the door sounded. He quickly lifted his arm and wiped at his face. "Come in." He said a little shakily. He bowed his head as his father entered.

Sarek closed the door behind him and entered the room farther. He turned and sat down beside his sun, careful of the candles placed here and there around the room and the floor. Spock had yet to find a pattern he liked, so the candles were set in random places.

"Spock."

"Excuse my earlier outburst, I didn't intend for that to happen."

Sarek merely looked down at the small boy who had yet to look at him. "I lost control,"

"Spock."

"This is inexcusable for a Vulcan my age, I should be in perfect control of my emotions by now."

"Spock."

The smaller Vulcan turned and finally looked up at him, tears glistening in his dark brown eyes. The candle light caused areas of his cheeks to shine due to the tear residue that had been left behind. "You harmed your mother."

"I didn't mean to lash out at her like that I swear."

Sarek shook his head.

"That is not what I am speaking about Spock. You harmed her emotionally."

Spock looked away quickly. "You must remember that your mother is human. She may be able to control her emotions and be able to uphold a more Vulcan way of living but she is still human. You harmed her deeply today Spock, she is your mother, and being human, that means she has a special bond with you."

"Raising a child is a parents responsibility, that is that, they are to raise the child so they can live well and long and peaceful in the society,"

"Vulcan parents perhaps. Vulcan's are cold compared to human parents. Spock. Human's are an emotional raise, they do not see their children as a mere responsibility, they see their children as a part of them. They have created something that they can raise, that they can love."

Spock's shoulders trembled slightly. "Your mother loves you, and she does not wish to see you in pain Spock, and you are in pain."

"Pain can be controlled."

"You are in emotional turmoil."

Spock let out a soft sob before turning and latching himself against his fathers side, burring his face against his warm robes.

"Please make it stop. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings! I didn't want her to see me like that. I just want to make her proud, I want to make you proud by try and be completely Vulcan."

Sarek placed his hand on his sons shoulder, gazing blankly down at him.

"Spock, perhaps you have gotten the wrong message about being Vulcan." He gently brushed a few strands of hair from his sons face. "Vulcan's as a race are very emotional beings, but we, unlike humans have been enlightened. We can control our emotions so they do not control us, that does not mean we do not feel them. Vulcan children know their parents love them, and are encouraged by their parents without words through bonding."

Spock sniffed and tilted his head to look up at his father. "When your brother was young, he had trouble controlling his emotions. I melded with him as I had my own father, and helped him sort out his emotions, and would send him encouragement through the bond. That is how Vulcan's express themselves in their own families."

Spock sniffed.

"Will you…bond with me?"

"I have always been willing to bond with you Spock, but I could not if you were not willing."

Spock sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Maybe I could use a little help."

Sarek almost smiled, almost, the slightest upturns of his mouth flashed for the briefest moment before he placed his hand atop his sons head.

"Than all you need to do is ask. Do not let it escalate as it has today Spock, it will only lead to trouble."

Amanda stood in the kitchen preparing the evening meal when she felt someone gently tap her in the middle of her back. She blinked and turned glancing down to see Spock standing there, head bowed, hands clasped behind his back. She blinked, looking up to see Sarek standing in the doorway of the kitchen arms clasped behind his own back. She returned her attention to her son. "Mother I wish to apologize for my previous actions. I did not wish to emotionally compromise you." He bowed slightly. "Forgive me."

Amanda felt herself smile.

"Of course Spock," She knelt down and pulled him against her into a hug, much to his dismay, though after a moment he did permit her warmth and emotions to wash over him. He rested his head against her shoulder, eyes blank. _'I really am sorry.' _He thought, closing his eyes as he let his mothers warmth sooth his troubled mind, with the aid of his fathers mental connection.

**Authors Note: Yeah, that's it. That is really all this was supposed to be. Just a drabble, nothing more.**


End file.
